Illness
by Amarissia
Summary: A painful memory stirs out of Sephiroth's past, and the identity of the mysterious hazel-eyed man is revealed. Part of the Decorum series.


_Ta da! Finally, a new chapter in the Decorum series. Took me long enough, right? Sorry, I've been so horrendously blocked, and busy with a Mirage of Blaze fic._

_Some of you have been wondering about the mysterious hazel-eyed man Sephiroth keeps a photo of. Well, I'm finally going to reveal his identity. I hope it pleases you._

_Warning - this installment contains smut, including threesome smut, which is no big deal, but it also contains Hojo being much creepier than usual. If you're easily squicked...then how do we even know each other?_

_I don't own these characters, except the ones that I do. Ha!_

**ILLNESS  
**_Part of the Decorum series_

The science lab seemed colder than it ever had before. Maybe it was the contrast of the warm day outside, maybe the techs had, in response, cranked up the ever-present air conditioning. Sephiroth, for a reason no one fully understood, did not feel discomfort in extreme temperatures, didn't seem to feel hot or cold at all. But he found himself distinctly missing the warmth of the previous night, the tangled limbs of of Zack and Cloud around him. He always felt this way in Hojo's presence.

The mad scientist was currently bent over one of his machines, muttering. (About what, the general had no idea, he had resisted every attempt to get medical knowledge into his head.) Sephiroth sat on the exam table, trying to be patient, trying to look as menacing as he could with a thermometer in his mouth.

It beeped, and Hojo whipped around to retrieve it. "One-oh-one point four. That's one-tenth of a degree above normal. Are you feeling feverish?"

"No." Sephiroth winced as Hojo's hand pressed his forehead.

"Nothing out of the ordinary?"

"No."

"Any neurological changes? Tingling, headache, auditory hallucinations?"

"Why do you always ask that? Are you expecting me to experience hallucinations?"

"I suspect you don't report everything. You should be grateful that I'm thorough." Hojo put a blood pressure cuff on the general's arm and began to tighten it. "So how is Fair? Does he still believe you love him?"

The hand of Sephiroth's free arm clenched, but he said nothing. This was one of Hojo's favorite mind games, to say provoking things to him at times when he wasn't allowed to talk, knowing Sephiroth didn't want to invalidate the reading and prolong the examination. The scientist enjoyed his power over Sephiroth, being the only one who could intimidate the most feared man on Gaia.

"He must, to have remained with you so long. Interesting, isn't it, how even those closest to you cannot understand you. Except for me."

_Don't flatter yourself, you arrogant prick._

"I do hope you're being careful, my boy. Long-term relationships are not like the casual flings you're used to. People begin to expect a great deal. To expect too much."

_And how would _you _know?_

"Then there's your health to consider. I'm sure you haven't forgotten how sick you were when you were fifteen."

Sephiroth took his silver gaze off the floor and locked Hojo in a murderous, warning glare. _Do _not _talk about that, or I will kill you._

The doctor removed the cuff and noted the numbers into a computer file. He seemed to have thought better of bringing up that particular memory, and instead shot the SOLDIER a look of concern.

"I wouldn't bother to caution you if I didn't care about you."

_Ha! Yes, who would you have to prod and poke and torture, were I not here?_

Hojo reached out to briefly pat his silver hair, the only one who dared to make such a condescending gesture to him. Sephiroth used the time to amuse himself with fantasies of twisting Hojo's arm until the bones snapped like twigs, until the hated white lab coat turned scarlet with blood, until Hojo fell to his knees weeping and begged forgiveness for every horror he had inflicted upon his patient since birth.

Alas, it was only a daydream, however satisfying. Hojo broke into it by tossing a plastic cup that the general caught without thinking.

"I need a semen sample."

Sephiroth was used to this, as it happened every year, though he didn't know what Hojo needed it for, and speculated that he probably didn't want to. What was a little unusual was the way Hojo leaned against a desk and looked at him impatiently, like he was expecting him to just whip it out.

"Please leave."

"Why?" Hojo smirked. "You have nothing I haven't seen a thousand times."

_Do you really think I can get hard with you six feet away?_

"I cannot do it with you here."

"Fine." Rolling his eyes, the scientist stalked off into the next room and shut the door behind him.

Sephiroth scowled at the door, then the empty cup. H ecould think of very few situations as unsexy as this one, being in the loathsome lab wearing nothing but a hospital gown, far from his dear ones, with Hojo so close by.

_I may as well get it over with._

He closed his eyes and imagined Zack and Cloud, nude on his bed in soft candlelight, kissing each other heatedly, with their hands exploring one another. He pictured Zack's honey-whiteness and Cloud's porcelain pressed together, Zack's sinful moans and Cloud's surprised gasps, Zack's pale rainwater eyes, Cloud's sky blue. Both beaming up at him in adoration, both yielding to his greedy touch as he took them, one and then the other. Holding back a groan of pleasure, Sephiroth aimed himself into the cup and filled it.

He gave himself a few moments to calm down and get his breathing to regulate, before fastening the cup's lid and calling out "Finished." Hojo re-entered immediately (probably had been listening at the door, the creepy bastard) and took the sample with a smirk.

"Well, _that_ didn't take long."

_Shut up._

"Are you so quick with Fair?"

_SHUT UP!_

"I would like to see for myself."

Sephiroth looked up, his jaw hanging slightly open. "Excuse me?"

Hojo seemed annoyed; he hated having to repeat himself. "I said, I would like to observe you during coitus. I need to note your vital signs mid-exertion and see if any changes have occurred since the last time."

Sephiroth could feel himself beginning to lose control, to shift into the reaper that sought death regardless of his own safety, and that was a scary thing, now that he had Zack and Cloud to live for. Nevertheless, the room came into sharper focus in his inhuman eyes. Red glared at the borders of his vision, and even with Masamune nowhere in sight, everyone in the science laboratory was in a great deal of danger.

"The young are adventurous, aren't they? I'm sure Fair wouldn't mind."

"I will not let you...anywhere near him," Sephiroth hissed, his fingers twitching.

"If you insist on being so prudish, my boy, I'll watch from an adjacent room." Hojo smiled, and on another man it would have been loving. "Just like the last time."

Everything went red. Then black.

_szcszcszc_

Zack didn't bother to open the main door to the science lab, opting instead to kick it off its hinges. He raced through the small lobby as he had the hallways, ignoring a meekly protesting receptionist, and pushed open the swinging door to the large main lab. Through another, and he reached the room where most of the machinery was kept.

The place was a complete wreck. A few lab techs were picking up sheets of detached metal and sweeping the broken glass that littered the floor, and it would clearly be taking them a long time. One or two monitors had escaped with only minor scratches and dents, but everything else was destroyed, like someone with inhuman strength had picked up the large machines one by one and hurled them against the walls. Said walls as well as the floor also had fire damage, long black scorch marks tainting the sterile white and gray.

Zack didn't linger on this devastation, but found Hojo in the middle of the room and stalked up to him, fists clenched and eyes glowing.

"Where. Is. He."

"I don't have time for children, Fair, I have a clean-up to direct. It's a good thing I keep spares of most of my equipment."

"Tell me, or I'll kill you."

The scientist laughed shrilly, still not bothering to look at him. "Kill me? Even Sephiroth doesn't dare do that. ShinRa values me too highly. Don't you think the president would punish him, or you, if such a thing was attempted?"

Zack hadn't felt this furious since after Angeal's death, when an asshole from Human Resources had asked him if the commander ever touched him inappropriately. He let out a low growl, and Hojo finally deigned to glance at him.

"Oh, honestly, boy. Do you think I would harm him?"

"I think you've done nothing but that for his entire life."

"How loyal. How touching. But it's time for you to grow up, Fair," the doctor snapped. "You're not Hewley's spoiled pet anymore. You may love Sephiroth, plenty of people do, but he does not return the feeling. He's not capable of it."

"You don't know what he's capable of, and you don't know _him_!"

"You know you're not the first he's fooled around with, don't you? You won't be the last." Hojo signed a piece of paper on a clipboard, and handed it to another doctor. "He was bred for war, for killing. He requires occasional release as every man does, but that's all it is, and that's where the similarity ends. You'd better off attaching yourself to something human and feeling. Because Sephiroth is not. I assure you."

"What is wrong with you?" Zack stared at Hojo with the beginnings of tears in his eyes, gaped at the one man in ShinRa who was unmoved by the sight of him crying. "Didn't you raise him since he was a baby? How can you think so little of him? How can you not care?"

Hojo nearly bared his teeth at that. "Don't presume to talk to me like that, boy. I have devoted my life to Sephiroth, and the hope that more like him can be created. I made him the god among men he is. You know nothing of my feelings."

"He's not a fucking computer you can replace, or a cell you can force to replicate!" The few who had not been watching their exchange stared now, as Zack shouted and Hojo looked unimpressed. "And he's not your fucking property! I'm sick of you acting like he is!"

"Oh, so he's _yours_? We'll see. Eventually he'll tire of you, or your silly need to be loved will prove too much for him. Ask Sephiroth sometime about his first. Ask if his disappearance bothered him at all."

Zack went very still, and quiet. "What did you do?"

"Do? Why do you all take me for some criminal mastermind? I don't _do_ anything, Fair. Things just happen."

"Where is he?"

"Room Four, heavily sedated. I suppose you can sit with him, if you insist. I doubt he'll care."

Zack was already gone.

_szcszcszc_

Room Four had been left unlocked, probably because the whole staff knew Sephiroth would just break the lock, anyway, when he wanted to leave. Zack's heart caught in his throat to see his greatest love unnaturally still on the cot, his wrists and ankles tied together, his normally impressive frame so small in a blue cotton gown. An IV line hung from a nearby pole, connected to the needle taped to his arm. He looked so alone. Like he must have been all those years under Hojo's care.

Zack hurried to him, breathing heavily, tears escaping. He pulled off the tape slowly, though Sephiroth wasn't awake to feel it, and carefully withdrew the needle. He remember what Sephiroth had said once, about needles hurting less as they were withdrawn, and wondered if the trank darts had hurt him. If he had, in his rage, even felt them.

He pulled off the restraints next, throwing the hateful things into a corner. He lifted Sephiroth's upper body, sat down on the cot, and held the general against his chest with trembling arms. His panic was soothed by the feel of Sephiroth, the slight motion of his breathing, but the tears kept coming, dampening the silver hair he buried his face in.

"Seph, I'm here. I'm here, and I'll never believe what he said. You've been proving you love me every day, for a long time, since before we even got together, and even though I want to know about your past, whatever you tell me or don't tell me won't change anything. You and Cloud are my life, and I'd do anything for you. Even watch you go through this, no matter how much it hurts." Zack sniffled. "But I wish you'd let me kill him. I don't know why you don't...yes I do. You're afraid for me, and Cloud, and all the SOLDIERs you pretend not to care about. Why do you have to be so damn selfless?"

_Angeal, I'm sorry. I promised you I'd take care of him, but I'm not strong enough. I'm still just your spoiled Puppy, I guess._

After a long quiet, Sephiroth began to stir. There was very little movement at first, only slight shifting and twitches. Zack knew most sedatives didn't work on Sephiroth; Hojo must have used the strongest he had. Zack held on patiently while he slowly awoke, until a soft questioning noise escaped Sephiroth and his eyes started to blink.

"Zack?" he murmured. "Are you all right?"

The younger nearly laughed. "You're worried about _me_?"

"Always." Holding one of Zack's hands, Sephiroth carefully sat up and turned to face him. "The madmen and his darts, as I recall."

"Yeah. But you got him good. He'll need at least his whole yearly budget to replace what you trashed."

Sephiroth's dazed eyes came into sharp focus on the welcome sight of Zack's face, and he reached out to stroke his cheek.

"How did you know to come?"

"One of the techs called me as soon as you flipped out. Not all of them hero-worship Dr. Creepy. Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"The sedative's effects will dissipate completely over the next hour. Otherwise, I am undamaged."

"You know that's not what I mean."

Sephiroth sighed. "Zack, this has always been my life. What I dislike more than anything is the effect it has on you. I resolved a long time ago that I would never let the world I grew up in touch you."

"Didn't you want me to come?" Zack asked sadly.

Sephiroth hooked a hand behind his head, pulled him close for a kiss. "I don't want you near Hojo. But truthfully...I am very glad you are here."

"Seph, how do you _really_ feel?"

"Foolish, mostly. I should know better than to let him provoke me. I don't know why he does it." The general looked away, seeming to gaze nowhere but inward. "He seems to enjoy making me feel inhuman, unlovable. And powerless, as I was when I was small, before I became their killing machine. He is no longer bigger than me, yet I am unable to stand up to him."

"It's not your fault. ShinRa keeps him in power, and anyway, it's like it is with parents. The people who raise you always hold that over you."

"Gast never would have," Sephiroth said, very quietly.

Zack grabbed him into a hug, hating to hear such a small, wounded voice. He knew that Dr. Gast had been Hojo's associate long ago, had been involved in the early experiments on Sephiroth and SOLDIER, and that what Sephiroth remembered of him was all positive - a warm and cheerful man who had taken care of him, played with him, treated him like a son rather than a subject...and one day disappeared without a trace. Angeal had told him these things, to help him understand Sephiroth's early life. Sephiroth himself had only mentioned Gast in Zack's presence twice now.

"Seph, I'm here. I always will be."

"I love you so much," the legend whispered into his ear. He loved Cloud too, but Zack was...the first. The most.

It was along time before Zack could let go, just enough to lean back and look at him. "Seph...what happened?"

Silver eyes closed. Resigned, but hesitant.

"Please, tell me."

"Hojo brought up a memory that I find...difficult to deal with." Anger pushed the reluctance off Sephiroth's face. "Then he said he wants to observe us having sex."

"_What_? Fuck, I knew he was creepy, but that's so sick I can't even..."

"I suppose I need not reassure you that I would never allow such a thing."

"No, you need not." Zack pushed a few wayward spikes out of his face. His hair had gotten longer around the sides of his face, the way he'd worn it when he was a teenager. "What memory?"

"I did intend to tell you, eventually. I didn't expect it to be under such circumstances." Sephiroth sighed. "My...first time."

Zack's pale eyes widened. He had always wondered about Sephiroth's mysterious first, but the elder had always refused to talk about it, changing the subject or giving short, vague answers. Zack felt a slight jealousy toward this person, as Sephiroth did toward Dean Matheson, but even more than that, he was wildly curious. Was Sephiroth about to explain, at last?

"Seph?"

The general pulled him close, deeply inhaled the scent of Zack's hair, and began to speak.

_szcszcszc_

**9 Years Earlier**

The young commander nodded curtly to everyone who passed by and saluted, his expression never wavering no matter what kind of greeting he received. He was fifteen, this first SOLDIER, newly returned from the Wutai War which had made him a legend, and after the exhilaration of the battle field, it felt strange to be back at ShinRa. Back into his old routine of days spent in the lab, and training other SOLDIERs, and being the company's prized poster boy. Angeal's presence was always welcome, a comfort that eased the awkwardness of dealing with other people. But even Angeal couldn't fix everything.

As commander, the future general was the leader of SOLDIER, working hand in hand with Lazard Deusericus to keep the program running efficiently and its members the elite fighting force ShinRa wanted. Lazard was a kind and even-tempered man who was agreeable to working with a fifteen-year-old, caring only for Sephiroth's intellect and ability. The other SOLDIERs, unfortunately, were mainly eighteen-year-olds and older, and many of them resented answering to a child. They all respected Sephiroth's skill, and were awed by Sephiroth's presence and ruthless precision, but some of them scowled at him in envy, and whispered to the others that such a pretty boy was good for only one thing.

Though annoyed by this, Sephiroth believed Lazard, who assured him that they'd all get used to him in time. Meanwhile, Sephiroth tried to keep Angeal unaware of the way he was sometimes treated, knowing from experience that his closest friend only grew more protective as he aged. The previous year, Sephiroth had killed two SOLDIERs for trying to touch him intimately, and Angeal's reaction was to assemble the entire corps. behind a locked door and explain to them that he'd do the honors himself if anyone else dared such a thing. Angeal, too, pointed out that they just needed time to get to know Sephiroth, but the boy wondered how long it would take. Bad enough that he had to be under Turk surveillance outside the compound; he didn't want his own men to be his enemies too. So far, the only place Sephiroth had felt safe was on the battle field.

"Sephiroth! Hey, Sephiroth!"

The boy turned at the cheerful voice, and found a black-uniformed man catching up to him, with a good-natured face, hazel eyes, and shaggy, perpetually-windblown brown hair. Lieutenant John Hunter, a newly promoted 1st from Daora, nineteen years old, and one of Sephiroth's few friends. The man had distinguished himself not just in fighting, but by his honorable behavior, gentle manner, and refusal to be intimidated by anyone. Since his arrival at ShinRa, he had gone out of his way to be nice to Sephiroth, calling him by his name when off duty, sharing jokes the boy rarely understood, and often inviting him out, no matter how many times the offer was declined. He seemed to like asking Sephiroth's opinion on various subjects, and frequently sparred with him, always saying thank-you after the boy wiped the floor with him.

"Hello, Hunter."

"John, remember? Where are you headed?"

"The lab."

"Ugh, me too. I'm glad I don't have to spend as much time there as you, but mako injections suck. I'd swear Hojo puts acid in them or something," Hunter groaned.

"If he had reason to believe acid would improve the mako's effectiveness, I am sure he would," Sephiroth said neutrally.

"It's harder on you, isn't it? Sometimes I get worried when you disappear into the lab for days at a time."

Sephiroth blinked, not used to sympathy from anyone but Angeal. "I am accustomed to it by now, and Dr. Hojo insists that I require very close monitoring."

"Look, Sephiroth..." Hunter seemed hesitant, which was unusual. "That creep doesn't...bother you, does he? Or anyone else? Because I know sometimes people...I just hope you'll tell me if anyone tries to hurt you."

_Hurt me? Hojo hurts me all the time. Oh, he means..._

"Thank you for your concern, John, but I am capable of handling such matters myself."

"Yeah, I guess you are. Well, my offer stays open. I'm always around if you ever want to talk." Hunter slung an arm around the shorter boy's shoulders. "C'mon, I'll walk with you."

Sheila, the receptionist, seemed surprised to see them enter the lobby together. She asked Hunter to remain in the waiting room, and directed Sephiroth on with a smile. Like nearly all the few women in ShinRa, she found the boy adorable and behaved almost maternally toward him.

"Oh, Sephiroth?"

The commander paused at the door and turned back to Hunter.

"I managed to get tickets for Dark Matter's concert in Midgar next week. Would you like to go with me?"

Another surprised blink. "I don't believe I would be allowed to."

"We'll sneak out. C'mon, it'll be fun! We can go to Roy's for pizza afterward. They put melted cheese in the crust, oh man, it's so good."

Sephiroth very nearly smiled. "I will ask for permission."

"Great! Well, good luck in there."

_I will need it._

Sephiroth found Hojo in an unusually good mood, actually humming off-key as he fiddled with his machines. _Perhaps he will allow me to go._

"Good, you're here. Let's talk in my office."

The boy obediently followed and sat down opposite the desk, staring blankly at Hojo as he always did, trying to never let his dislike of the man show. Staying on the scientist's good side meant less pain and, more importantly, slightly more freedom. Sephiroth had recently been permitted to move out of the lab and into a spacious apartment, despite Hojo's protesting, and ever since, he had been making more of an effort not to anger the man in charge of him.

"You wished to see me, Doctor?"

"I'm busy, so I'll get to the point. I'm sure you remember the conversation we had three years ago, when I explained reproduction and sex to you."

"Yes."

Hojo frowned. "You told me that, given the choice, you would rather do such things with a man rather than a woman. Do you still feel that way?"

"Yes, Doctor."

Sephiroth didn't yet have much of an interest in sex, maybe because he was propositioned so often, and had come to regard it as a vaguely threatening thing, as well as an act that required closeness to another person and vulnerability on both their parts. But Sephiroth had encountered a few men he found attractive, and knew that he did not like females.

"A pity. That will make my future breeding program more difficult. In any case, my boy, I think it's time."

"Time, Doctor?"

"You haven't had sex yet, have you?" Clearly Hojo would be very displeased if he had.

"No."

"Good. I need to observe your vital signs and brainwave activity during the exertive act, just as I have observed you while fighting. I have even selected your partner based on what I assumed would please you."

Sephiroth sat very still, unfooled by Hojo's uncharacteristic kindness and his casual tone of voice. Very little of his life was under Sephiroth's control, but he had always assumed that at least his choice of sexual partners would be up to him. And he didn't want to have sex, didn't feel ready. His mild curiosity about it was smaller than the unease he experienced at the thought of intercourse.

_I wish I could talk to Angeal first._ But Angeal was away, investigating a materia bombing in Junon.

"Please don't make me do this." Sephiroth was surprised to hear himself speak, especially in such a soft voice.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Goddes, why is everyone so reluctant today?" Hojo grumbled as he cleaned his glasses. "The partner I chose for you accused me of abuse and only agreed to this when I told him my second choice was Lieutenant Darrow."

Sephiroth's fist clenched. Mark Darrow was the tallest and broadest SOLDIER, an arrogant twenty-year-old who made passes at the boy every chance he got. The sound of the door opening shook Sephiroth out of his thoughts.

"That must be him now."

The pale, miserable face that crossed the threshold belonged to John Hunter.

_szcszcszc_

"Seriously, say the word, and I'll kick his ass and we can run away to Wutai. You're fluent, right?"

It was hardly how Sephiroth had envisioned his first time, on the few occasions he'd considered it. He was lying completely naked on a cot, with bright lights above and the soft sounds of machinery all around. Wires were attached to his scalp, as well as a heart monitor to his chest, and more wires secured to muscles in his legs. A blood pressure cuff was wrapped around his right arm, and a device for measuring oxygen saturation levels was clipped to a finger. Hojo was watching impatiently through a large window from the next room, and Hunter was reluctantly taking off his uniform, looking at Sephiroth and clearly already feeling guilty.

"They would find us. If you would rather not do this - "

"No way, I'm not letting Darrow near you. Don't worry about me, kid. I just...I'm not gonna traumatize you, am I?"

Sephiroth shook his head. If he had survived being raised by Hojo, he could survive this.

"Hewley's going to _kill_ me," Hunter said with a rueful smile.

"I would prefer no one be told about this."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't. Especially since you aren't even legal." Hojo rapped on the glass, and Hunter flipped him off. "Okay, okay, geez..."

Now that he was nude, Hunter presented what Sephiroth found a pleasing sight. He was tall and muscular without being particularly broad, tanned as Daorans tended to be, with a rather large penis. He shuffled closer to Sephiroth, gulped, and placed a hand on his cheek.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Yes," the boy said, trying to sound as confident as he was in training.

"I'll do my best to keep it from hurting."

"I do not mind pain."

"Well, I do. Tell me if you want me to go slower, or stop, or anything."

Taking a deep breath, Hunter climbed on top of the cot and held himself over Sephiroth. The boy expected him to want to get this over with, so he was very surprised to feel a mouth gently crash into his own. Hunter braced himself with one hand, stroked Sephiroth's face with the other, and kissed him chastely for a short while before coaxing his mouth open. Sephiroth obviously didn't know what he was doing, but his instincts were good, and he willingly moved his own tongue against Hunter's, making a soft noise of surprise that this didn't disgust him.

A bit awkwardly, Sephiroth reached up and held onto Hunter's arms. After a few minutes of kissing, Hunter smiled reassuringly at him and shifted to Sephiroth's neck, exploring the too-perfect skin with his lips and finding that the boy didn't taste vaguely salty as most people did, just very clean. Sephiroth winced at first, but after a few moments began to find it strangely pleasurable. Hands were now caressing his waist and abdomen, and he knew Hunter was enjoying this, because he could feel an erection pressing against his thigh. Sephiroth was beginning to harden too, which he had not expected.

"You okay so far?" the elder whispered in his ear.

"Can you not tell?"

Hunter laughed softly. "Me too. Sephiroth, I always wanted to tell you how much I...I just worried it wouldn't mean anything to you, since you get hit on all the time."

Sephiroth slid his hand into the messy brown hair. It felt very unlike his own, but nice.

"I think I like you too."

Hunter grinned. "I'm gonna make you as happy as you'll let me."

He leaned down for another kiss, and at the same time reached between Sephiroth's legs to stroke him to full hardness. Hunter marveled at how wonderful the boy's complete smoothness felt. As mako inhibited hair growth, many SOLDIERs had little body hair, but Sephiroth had not one hair below his head, was as silky as living marble, and as white. No longer feeling quite so conflicted and remoreseful about this, Hunter thought about all the time he and Sephiroth would have to explore one another. Right now, however, he wanted to get him through this as easily as possible. So far, the boy seemed to be enjoying it, if his soft moans were any indication.

"Sephiroth, I'm gonna make you come first, okay? So you'll be more relaxed."

"I want to wait until you do."

Hunter nodded, and grabbed the bottle of lubricant from a nearby tray. His slicked hand vanished from sight, and Sephiroth tensed slightly as he felt a finger begin to push into him. It was uncomfortable once it was all the way in, but piqued Sephiroth's curiosity as well. Hunter was watching his face intently for any sign of pain, so it was fortunate that it didn't really hurt, just felt strange. After it had moved around for a while, a second finger joined it, and together they touched something that made Sephiroth gasp and leave hand-shaped bruises on Hunter's arms. His scientific knowledge provided a lightning-quick explanation.

_Prostate, walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. Functions in the secretion and expellation of semen._

Hunter was smiling again, and targeting the spot with three fingers now. Sephiroth's cock was leaking a few droplets of pearl-white fluid tinged faintly green, and he was struck by the sudden and insistent desire to have Hunter's shaft inside him, NOW.

"Do it, quickly."

"Are you sure?"

"Please, I want you to do it." Sephiroth barely recognized his own voice, unsteady, pleading.

Hunter carefully lifted his legs to wrap them around himself, and guided himself into place. "I love you," he said softly, and with one fluid thrust, he was completely inside.

Sephiroth's eyes went wide, and he felt for a moment that he had been given an electrical shock. His fingertips tingled and his whole body went warm from its usual cool. He, who had always been alone, was now connected to a human being, and more than physically. Sephiroth, who had never been sure he had a soul, felt someone touching it and caring for it despite his flaws, his lack of understanding. It did hurt now, but it was a fire he was glad to burn in. He smiled, a rare, full smile at Hunter, who grinned back.

The first thrust deliberately targeted his prostate, and each subsequent one hit the gland, intensifying the deep pleasure of being stretched and filled. Sephiroth pulled Hunter down for a kiss, and the man groaned into his mouth.

"Gaia, fuck, you feel so good, baby, I love you so much."

It was something that strangers yelled from street corners all the time, but no one had ever said it this way, in a voice nearly broken from emotion, with hazel eyes, green-tinged, glowing with feeling. Sephiroth had been raised with the belief that he could not love and it would take him a long time to stop believing it, but for now, he felt an affection and a gratitude toward Hunter he had never before known. It wasn't like the steady warmth he had long had for Angeal and Genesis, it was wide but intense, patient and urgent.

When Hunter knew he was getting close, he reached down again and slowly pumped Sephiroth, squinting with pleasure at the the tight heat squeezing around him. The boy cried out, such a vulnerable and sensual sound that Hunter let go, thrusting faster and emptying himself as he felt Sephiroth fill his hand with wetness. He wished it would go on forever, but all too soon, he was catching his breath and pressing his sweaty forehead to Sephiroth's cool one. He brushed back the silver bangs with his clean fingers, lingering fondly in the satin hair and looking contentedly into the boy's mercury eyes.

"You okay?"

"Better than I have ever been, I think."

The sound of a door and footsteps approaching made both their hearts sink. Hunter sat up and pulled Sephiroth protectively to his chest, and the boy made a vain attempt to extricate himself, knowing Hojo would be displeased. Sure enough, the scientist was glaring.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. You can go now."

"I'll go when I'm good and ready."

"Go, please," Sephiroth whispered. "Don't make him mad."

"Call me the second he lets you out of here, so I know you're okay."

Hunter clearly didn't want to leave, but he kissed Sephiroth (Hojo nearly sputtered with rage), grabbed his clothes, and quickly slipped out the door, leaving the doctor and patient in silence. Sephiroth grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around his waist, for the first time feeling uncomfortable to be nude in front of Hojo. The man stared at him for a moment, then began to remove the wires and monitoring equipment.

"You see? That wasn't so bad. Was it?"

"No, Doctor."

"I don't care who you fool around with, but be careful, my boy. If you sleep with a man and he falls in love with you, he'll only end up hating you for not being able to reciprocate. Hate leads to carelessness. You don't want such things to lead to the deaths of your men."

"No, Doctor. What is that?"

Hojo had removed a filled syringe from his coat pocket. "Electrolytes. You're dehydrated. Rest for a few minutes, and then you can go."

Once the needle was withdrawn, Sephiroth lay back down and stared up into the white lights. He didn't feel any older or more mature, and part of him was completely terrified by Hunter's feelings. Yet he also had a strange sense of peace, of optimism that perhaps there was more in his future than just killing. He wondered if he could satisfy Hunter in a relationship, if they could make each other happy.

Then the lights suddenly exploded into a million colors, and Sephiroth's body began to seize.

_szcszcszc_

The hard anger had left Zack's paled face for concern. "A seizure? What was wrong?"

"A reaction to a sudden and extreme spike in temperature, followed by nausea, chills and disorientation. Hojo was never exactly certain why it happened, but speculated I might have a severe allergy to some chemical component of semen."

Zack's lips parted, and he stared at Sephiroth. "Holy Gaia. This is why you don't let anyone top you."

"Hojo suggested such a precaution would be most prudent."

"I've never heard of anyone being allergic to semen."

"Nor I."

Zack's eyes narrowed. "Wait. He injected you with something right before it happened."

Sephiroth looked surprised, then thoughtful, then very sad. "He is enough of a sadist to do such a thing. But for what purpose?"

"To scare you. To keep you from giving yourself to anyone, because that would make you less his. I mean, Seph, you've swallowed my come, and Cloud's. If you were allergic, wouldn't that have hurt you?"

With a deep sigh, Sephiroth pressed an open hand against his forehead, curling in on himself where he sat. He had never thought of that, not once. How could he have been so foolish? Zack edged closer, pressing his body heat against the general's coolness.

"And to think," Sephiroth whispered, "I left him alive all this time out of fear it might happen again. That I would need him to cure me again."

"So it wasn't only to protect yourself, and all of us," Zack murmured. "Does this mean I can kill him now? Please?"

"No. But perhaps I can create a plan that will make it appear to be an accident."

"Seph? You really liked that Hunter guy, huh?"

Zack was trying to keep sadness out of his voice, but must have failed, because even Sephiroth picked it up. The general analyzed for a moment, then pulled Zack into his lap and pressed kisses into the glossy spikes.

"You are not a replacement for anything. You and Cloud are the only ones I have loved. But yes, I did like him. I may have attempted a relationship much earlier, had things been different."

With a shudder, Zack recalled Hojo's words. "What happened to Hunter?"

"He disappeared the next day," Sephiroth said mournfully. "He departed for patrol in Midgar and did not return. No trace of him was ever found."

"Do you think...Hojo..."

"I fear it may have been his doing, yes. I could never summon the courage to ask, nor the strength to investigate."

Zack drew back to kiss him, long and slow. "You should put the Turks on it. You and Tseng are sort of friends, right?"

A pause. "Perhaps I will. Perhaps I am finally ready to know."

Zack's hand reached out to run his fingers through the shimmering hair. Sephiroth allowed this for a few moments with a faint smile, then grabbed the wrist and pressed his lips to Zack's familiar pulse.

"So...it was never that you didn't like bottoming. You were just afraid."

"I suppose you now know all of my secrets. Do I know yours?"

"I once tried on a pair of women's panties, just to see how they'd look. But I think that's it."

Sephiroth laughed, the strongest sound Zack had heard from him all day. "Perhaps it's odd of me, but I would like to have seen that."

"Play your cards right, General, and you just might. Come on, let's get the fuck out of here."

Sephiroth's clothes had been left in the corner, in a plastic bag. The elder declined help, as he was feeling almost normal by now, and slipped with ease back into the trademark leather pants, belts and jacket. Zack insisted on holding his hand as they walked out, and Sephiroth had no desire to argue. Even if Hojo accepted what they were to each other, he would never let him harm Zack.

The general smirked at the sight of the destruction he had caused, estimating that yes, the bulk of Hojo's budget would be required to restore the lab to normal. As the scientist himself came into sight, he squeezed Zack's hand hard, hardly realizing that he did it, but Hojo only scowled darkly, and when he spoke, it was not to him.

"Remember what I said, Fair!"

"Yeah, fuck you too," Zack called, and pulled Sephiroth out the door with him.

The two lovers said nothing on the way to Zack's apartment, but the silence between them was as always comfortable, every look and touch speaking volumes. Zack was thinking of making Sephiroth some comfort food, preferably something decadent and rich and not at all the sort of thing he usually ate. Sephiroth was thinking of carrying Zack into the bedroom and offering the boy something he'd never given him before. They both stopped when they reached the living room, and smiled.

Cloud was curled up on the purple couch, looking as cozy as a sleeping cat, with the top few buttons of his cadet uniform undone. A few pieces of homework and textbooks were scattered across the coffee table. Quietly, so as not to disturb him, Sephiroth went to the couch and knelt down.

_Whatever I do to Hojo, I must be sure both of them are protected. Zack can probably take care of himself, but you..._

As though sensing someone there, Cloud blinked his eyes open, smiled, and sat up to wrap his arms around the general.

"Hey. Where have you guys been?"

"Seph trashed Hojo's lab."

"Really?" Cloud's sky blue eyes widened cutely. "Why? I mean, that's awesome, but what's the occasion?"

"Seph," Zack said softly, coming to sit by him. Everything he felt, the hesitation included, came across in that one word.

Sephiroth nodded, placing one hand on each boy for reassurance, for himself as much as them. He began to talk, relating every detail of his morning exam, his breakdown, his memories of Lieutenant Hunter, everything up to he and Zack arriving here only minutes before. Cloud's expression flashed through a hundred different emotions, but he never interrupted, or even looked like he was going to. When the general stopped speaking, Cloud left a long pause, then kissed him before speaking.

"I wanna kill him."

"I called dibs, Spiky."

"If anyone is to kill him, it will be me," Sephiroth said patiently. "I hope this is not too much for you, Cloud. I believed I owed you the truth."

"I'm fine. As long as I have you two, and you're okay, I'm good. Thank you for telling me, Seph."

With that, Cloud stood up and began to remove his uniform. The SOLDIERs gaped with surprised approval.

"Cloud, not that I object, but what are you doing?"

"Lap dance. Lindley says anything can be made better with a lap dance."

Once his clothes were completely off, Cloud began to sway to some nonexistent music, moving his narrow hips in a positively sinful way. His nearly hairless cock, smaller than either of theirs, gently bounced with the motion, having a vaguely hypnotic effect on his observers. Cloud placed his hands on Sephiroth's shoulders and thrust lightly toward him, before turning around to shake his pert ass. Sephiroth survived on sheer willpower for a few minutes, then slung both young men over his shoulders and headed toward the bedroom.

_szcszcszc_

Sephiroth crawled onto and over the enormous bed like a large predatory cat, his every movment fluid and sensual. Cloud grinned teasingly up at him from his place on the sheets, and lifted his hands to stroke the general's bare sides and hips. The light was dim and soft, playing beautifully over Sephiroth's luminescent hair and inhumanly perfect skin, and Cloud was clearly eager. He propped himself up to kiss Sephiroth, and the experience he had gained was obvious in the skill with which he moved his tongue.

He fell back as his erection was captured by soft fingers, manipulated slowly. Sometimes the three of them wanted a hard, fast fuck, but most often Sephiroth preferred to take his time, to stare into his lovers' eyes while he took them slowly, drew it out. Occasionally, though, he showed his impatience in small ways. It was only a minute before he let go of Cloud's cock, grabbed the lubricant, and discovered that Cloud was relaxed enough to immediately take two fingers.

The boy groaned and arched, a lovely sound to a lovely sight. Sephiroth noticed that Cloud was beginning to fill out a little, to put on some muscle weight, and that his slightly girlish figure had taken on more masculine qualities. He would always be pretty, and never be big, but he was getting stronger, and Sephiroth was pleased by this. He swirled his fingers, three now, in a circle, getting Cloud good and loose, before bending his knees up and back. Sliding into the boy felt like balm to his wounded heart.

Kneeling behind the taller man, Zack touched his slender waist and whispered, "Seph, are you really, really sure?"

"I want you, Zack. I want this. I don't want to wait any longer."

His voice was strong, certain. With hands that trembled slightly, Zack retrieved the bottle of scented lube and coated his fingers. He stroked Sephiroth's ass for a few moments before tentatively pushing the first one in. Sephiroth breathed in, but didn't tense. Zack was going very slowly, teasing his puckered entrance almost, and then carefully getting it in up to the knuckle.

He found the long-neglected prostate almost right away, and with a gasp Sephiroth thrust backward to meet the pressure. Cloud made a soft "Mmm" noise at the motion and beamed a smile of reassurance up to the general. Sephiroth gazed down into his innocent eyes, and squeezed Zack's free hand as the second digit entered. For someone who had only ever topped one person, Zack sure knew what he was doing - exactly where to press, exactly how to stretch. It felt so good, better even than it had been with Hunter. That had been attraction, and this...was there a word stronger than love?

Sephiroth thought of Zack's cock, how hard and ready it must be, and nearly growled with need. "Inside, now."

"Hold on, I've got you almost ready."

"Now. That's an order."

"Nuh-uh. One more finger. I'll run laps later, if you want."

Cloud giggled, and the vibration of it went through all three bodies. Another finger joined its companions, and after an agonizing minute or so, they all withdrew, and a wonderful, hot pressure was against Sephiroth's ass. Zack waited a moment, thought better of asking permisson one last time, and began to gently nudge his way in.

"Gaia," Sephiroth choked out. "Yes, yes, fuck me."

"Goddess, you feel amazing, Seph."

Zack buried his face in the waterfall of silver hair as he entered him, feeling his apprehension start to fade away in the face of so much pleasure. Topping Cloud, though he hadn't done it before, had felt natural and easy, because of Cloud's size and submissiveness, and lack of experience. Sephiroth would be easier to disappoint, although with the way he was sliding back onto Zack, disappointment would seem to be the last thing on his mind.

Once in to the hilt, Zack wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's torso and breathed hard against his shoulder. "Give the word, General."

"Move, fuck me, _take_ me."

Even a stronger man than a 1st would have no defense for that. Gasping a curse or two in Gongagan, Zack slid nearly all the way out, and thrust back in. They all cried out at once, becase the movement pushed Sephiroth deeper into Cloud. Zack almost immediately forgot his own name, lost in the incredible warmth of Sephiroth's insides, a heat much greater than Cloud's, so much that it nearly burned. He had before thought this would be a one-time thing, just to show Sephiroth it could be done, but Zack realized this could easily be addictive.

"Yes, yes, Zack, fill me," the general panted, in perhaps a more unrestrained voice than the other two had ever heard from him. "So...good..."

Before the silver eyes, Cloud was writhing, the debauched sight a far cry from his usual innocent manner. With such stimulation beneath and behind, Sephiroth wasn't sure how long he could last, just that he wanted Zack to come first. It wouldn't be much longer, judging by the way the thrusts had sped up, as well as the young man's breathing. Sephiroth took Zack's steadying hand from his hip and made it run up and down his abdomen, knowing that Zack found the sight of his muscled stomach erotic.

"Holy shit, I can't, I'm gonna," Zack nearly shouted.

He pounded Sephiroth harder than ever as he shot, and Sephiroth welcomed the feeling of heat and wet that filled him up as though it were a home he had finally returned to. His happiness spilled quite literally into Cloud, who had begun to masturbate and sprayed his mako-less semen onto both of them. Sephiroth smiled as Zack collapsed against his back, but was careful not to put any weight on Cloud. Instead he maneuvered to one side, setting Zack's spent form down and himself falling between them. They all took a minute to come back to earth and catch their breath, then the two younger turned to face him, Cloud with much more energy than Zack.

"Good, isn't he?" Cloud asked softly.

"I think I may be speechless."

Zack grinned drowsily. "You liked it? I did okay?"

"More than that. You have freed me from one of my few fears," Sephiroth murmured, rubbing a circle into Zack's flat stomach.

"Few?" Cloud repeated. "You mean you have more?"

"Yes. Losing both of you."

"You won't. We'll be together, even in the Lifestream."

"I wonder what sex is like in the Lifestream." Zack began his trademark post-intercourse babble. "Bet it's hot and you don't need lube, except if all your dead relatives are watching, that's not hot and ew, what if Angeal's seeing this right now? He'll probably whap me with the Buster, but ha ha, joke's on him, it's mine now..."

With a muttered "I love you guys", Zack started to drift off. Sephiroth hooked an arm under each boy to draw them close, sighing peacefully as soft spikes rested on both his shoulders. There was a once-forgotten but oddly satisfying soreness below his back, one Sephiroth had no wish to Potion or Cure. This might have been intended as catharsis, but the general thought now that he wouldn't mind doing this again every now and then. Maybe he would even let Cloud, if the boy was so inclined.

The blond was idly toying with one of Sephiroth's nipples. "You okay?"

"I just wish I had done it sooner."

"We have time. Isn't that what you always say?"

Sephiroth kissed his knowing smile, then forehead. "Indeed. Let's follow Zack into his dreams."

"I don't think I wanna know what that perv dreams about," Cloud joked, but a few minutes later he was asleep.

Sephiroth waited a little while, until he was sure they were both deeply under, before lithely untangling himself and getting to his feet. He ran a few washcloths under hot water in the bathroom and gently wiped the stickiness from all three of their bodies. Walking with a slight limp and not looking forward to the looks and comments he'd get from his 1sts tomorrow, Sephiroth picked up his phone from the desk and dialed the sixth number on his speed-dial.

"Commander Tseng, it is Sephiroth. There is something I would like you to look into."

**The Decorum series will continue.**

**If you liked it, consider leaving a review! I can't respond to them all, but I do read and cherish every one of them.**


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